CinemaSins: Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time IX
by Alex Popp
Summary: The best of the later installments, let's count up its flood of sins.


Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time IX: Journey to Big Water

in 6 minutes or less

Spoilers!

(duh)

The ancient seas. Home to so many wondrous creatures.

**We went through this in The Time of the Great Giving. How much do you have to repeat it to us? (ding)**

Millions and millions of years ago...

**Now this again?! Agh! (ding)**

(the shot is seen from the point of view of the kronosaurus)

**We interrupt this prehistoric kids movie to bring you the opening scene of every Jaws movie. (ding)**

**Obvious CGI tree is obvious. (ding)**

Littlefoot: Gee, what if it never stops?

Grandma: Oh, it will, little one. It always does. Though I'm beginning to have my doubts.

(the rain immediately ceases)

**Rain has excellent ironic timing. (ding)**

**Second obvious CGI tree is also obvious. (ding)**

Cera: I've got to help my father move this tree. It fell right on top of our sleeping place.

**Well then, it shouldn't take you that long to move it out of the way. In fact, I'd say you've done it already. (ding)**

Littlefoot: I'll just have to race myself over to Ducky and Spike's.

**Don't get ahead of yourself. (ding)**

(Ducky and Spike squish their feet in mud for half a minute)

Ducky: Squishy! Squishy! Squishy!

**Okay, we get it, squishy. Move along. (ding)**

Littlefoot: It's boring/boring/really truly boring...(skip)...it's really/truly/very boring

**This song is about as boring as its subject. (ding)**

**Also, the title of this song is "Chanson D'Ennui", which is French for "Song of Boredom". What's the point of the French? (ding)**

(Cera and her dad are still seen pushing the log during the song)

**Okay, just where exactly are you pushing that log to? (ding)**

(the song ends)

Littlefoot: I'm bored.

(scene transition)

Littlefoot: I'm bored.

**Yeah, you said that just 26 seconds ago. (ding)**

Littlefoot: There's no one that wants to have fun.

**Uh, I'm sure your friends want to have fun, I mean who doesn't? But they just can't get to it. (ding)**

Grandma: Your mother would have loved to have given you a brother, Littlefoot.

Grandpa: Yes, but because you were her only child, you were very, very special to her.

**I hate to sin a line that mentions Littlefoot's mother, but are they implying that the fewer children in the family, the more the parents find them special? Because yeah, that's how it works. (ding)**

Grandpa: We've got flyers, and swimmers, and land walkers of all kinds.

(a parasaurolophus steps into frame and roars for no discernable reason)

**The parasaurolophus steps in and roars on cue with Grandpa's announcement of land walkers. (ding)**

Littlefoot: No fair, I asked you first.

Littlefoot: (pretending his reflection in the water is talking back to him) Okay, let's go have some fun.

(two frogs jump into Littlefoot's reflection)

**Frogs are dicks to imaginary friends. (ding)**

Grandpa: We were all afraid this would happen.

Cera's dad: What do you mean all? I wasn't afraid.

**Cera's dad is still a brat. (ding)**

Grandpa: Come everyone. I sense more sky water is about to fall.

Littlefoot: Gee, I don't sense anything.

**Why? Heavy dark clouds should be enough. (ding)**

Littlefoot: Wow! I've never seen one like him before.

**Is it just me, or is the guy voicing Littlefoot a teenager trying to sound like a kid? (ding)**

Mo: You like to have fuuuuunnnn?

**This is the part where Littlefoot says "No, I don't".**

Cera: It sounds like he's having a bunch of fun without us!

**Cera is still a brat. (ding)**

Petrie: Just because they go no mean me have to. Me think for myself!

Cera: Petrie?

Petrie: Coming.

**Damn. For a second there, I thought Petrie had become more adept. (ding)**

Littlefoot: Guess what? Mo and I just became mud brothers.

**Hmm...we're starting to get less prehistoric with terms that can be found in the Urban Dictionary. (ding)**

Ducky: Mo?

Cera: Mo who?

**Mo Stavern. Hehe. Feel free to shoot me. (ding)**

(Spike is doing what else)

Ducky: Spike does not seem worried.

**Duh. He can't be worried when he's eating. (ding)**

Petrie: _But imaginary friends think you very very smart_

Ducky: _They never ever fuss or fight_

**Come on. I can make mine fuss and fight if I want to. (ding)**

(a variety of imaginary friend appear beside the gang)

**Hey look, it's an ancestor of King Gator from All Dogs Go to Heaven. (ding)**

Ducky: Spike is very special too. Especially good at eating.

**He definitely is. He just ate part of the branch as well as those leaves. (ding)**

(the kronosaurus doesn't bother attacking Mo as he hurries to get ahead of it)

**The kronosaurus isn't in the mood for wet meat today. (ding)**

**It's not like the kronosaurus had to bite the vine. It's already detached from him as he swims away. (ding)**

Ducky: Mo cannot walk with us to the big water. He is a swimmer and has no feet.

(she extends her foot forward)

**Ducky demonstrates Mo having no feet by showing Littlefoot one of her feet. (ding)**

(a faint sound of the earth shaking is heard)

Ducky: I think my tummy is making its hungry sound.

**This should be a deja vu moment for Ducky. This is what she thought in The Mysterious Island. (ding)**

**Earthquake in a Land Before Time movie cliche. (ding)**

**All three four-footers land on their backs in a neat little row. (ding)**

(Petrie begins flying across the abyss to get help)

(a puff of steam scares him and he flies back)

**One blast of steam scares Petrie into flying back. (ding)**

**Littlefoot, Cera, and Spike don't have claws, so their toes wouldn't leave holes that are apart from their footprints. (ding)**

**I'm sure Petrie's mom is braver than Petrie. She doesn't think to fly over and carry them to safety. (ding)**

Petrie: (fighting strong wind) Pull up! Pull up!

**Petrie talks like crashing fighter pilot. (ding)**

(Petrie imagines his toothless sharptooth friend, who immediately begins to fall having no wings)

**An imaginary friend does whatever you want him to, so in that case...Petrie is a dick to his imaginary friend. (ding)**

Petrie: Me like to sing. How about you, imaginary friend?

(his imaginary friend nods)

Petrie: Good. _Na na na na na na na na..._

**Obviously, he doesn't, because he doesn't join in. (ding)**

**It takes 37 minutes for the journey to big water to begin. (ding)**

**Is that water real? (ding)**

Cera: (muttering to herself) Mo this and Mo that.

**Mo what? (ding)**

(Mo jumps over a rock wall while Littlefoot stands on top it underneath him)

**We interrupt this prehistoric kids movie to bring you Free Willy. (ding)**

(after singing "Big Water")

Littlefoot: That was fun.

(they all laugh)

**And fun is funny. (ding)**

Mo: Flying bugs tell Mo we getting close to big water.

**How do grasshoppers and ophtalmosaurs communicate? (ding)**

Cera: Petrie, thanks to you, we're lost.

Petrie: Hey! We no lost.

**"We're lost", "We're not lost" cliche. (ding)**

Ducky: Everyone else is getting so so grumpy. But I am not grumpy. I am happy.

**Can I be Dopey? (ding)**

Diplodocus Mom: Why, you aren't much more than babies yourselves.

Cera: Not much more than babies? Why, I'm practically all grown up.

**Haha. I just busted a gut. (ding)**

**Nine shooting stars?! What is this, Spider-Man 3? (ding)**

(a crab grabs Cera's nose horn with its claw)

(Cera screams and runs around)

**Evidently, Cera has nerves in her horn. (ding)**

**How does Petrie letting go of Cera send her rolling meters backward? (ding)**

(Mo squawks telling the crab to let go, and it obliges)

**Do all mute animals know Mo's language? (ding)**

Mo: Mo swim ahead. Go see which water path take us to big water.

**Can't Petrie just do that? He found the paths that led to the ocean to begin with. (ding)**

**Also, everyone has to stay behind while Mo swims off, because...kronosaurus. (ding)**

**Obvious CGI clouds are obvious. (ding)**

Cera: Well, nothing could possibly make my day any worse.

(the kronosaurus rises out of the water)

Cera: Except for that!

**Nothing could make my day any worse, except it just did cliche. (ding)**

**Mo Ex Machina. (ding)**

(the kronosaurus chases after Mo)

Littlefoot: Mo! Nooooooooo!

**Mo no.**

Ducky: (sniffs) Mo.

**The gang of five just assumes that Mo got eaten. (ding)**

Ducky: And Cera, you especially should not have been jealous of Mo's singing. It was not good. Oh no, no, no.

Petrie: Yeah, me sing much better than him.

**The gang of five makes fun of Mo after assuming that he got eaten. (ding)**

**Mo's water kin all happen to be near the shore, because...touching reunion. (ding)**

Mo: Old One tell Mo the way. Friends can go home now.

**They didn't really need help, considering how the smoking mountains are in plain view. (ding)**

Cera: Wow. I think they like me.

**Well, I guess there's a first time for everything. (ding)**

(the credits roll with Donny Osmond singing "No One Has to be Alone")

**Donny Osmond. (ding)**

**Movie Sin Tally: 66**

**Bonus Round**

**SMAERCSSCREAMSSMAERCSSCREAMS**

**+4**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+4**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+5**

**+4**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+5**

**+4**

**+2**

**+3**

**Movie Sin Tally: 109**

**Sentence: SQUISHED BY A SPIKETAIL**

Petrie: Here comes the squished part!

Ducky: Squishy! Squishy!


End file.
